Random Chaos

The phone rings, but it's a noise I can't identify until too late, because apparently when my model of phone detects that the thing on the headphone port is actually a line-in, it replaces the ringtone with a very unobtrusive “bloop” noise. In fact I missed it. It's my doctor's office with the MRI results.

I dial back within 58 seconds.

“Yeah, hi, you probably just missed me? I'm at work and the ringer was drowned out.”

“Yeah, we left a message—”

Bullshit, I think silently, noting the lack of the answering machine symbol in my taskbar.

“—and, um, um, um, we, um—”

Okay, how fucking bad is this? I wonder.

“—um, um, your MRI showed active migraine.”

It's all I can do to not flat-what her.

“We know about the migraines,” I say. “What does that mean? I wasn't experiencing one at the MRI. I would have rescheduled if I was.”

“Um, well, um—”

I am getting very suspicious of all this “um”-ing.

“—that's what it says here,” after another minute of that. “Other than that, normal.”

Bullshit.

“So let me get this straight. I have probably had ONE migraine for possibly months and, normal. Nothing to address the vertigo, the fainting, the ringing, the TWITCH?”

“Hmm. No.”

Of all the FUCKING flip—

“You're setting up an appointment with the doctor for a follow up. This is not [here I redact myself just in time to turn it into an emphasis pause instead of the Precision F-Strike that was coming] sustainable. It's wrecking my work and social life.” It's not a question.

And that is the story of why I'm going to be marching into my doctor's office with copies of pictures of my brain asking for a neurologist. And I am NOT letting him test me for the diabetes again. We know that ain't it.